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Speaking as a woman who is capable of having multiple orgasms in a row, taking a breath, maybe having a stretch, and then getting right back down to it – there’s not much I can say that men have that I envy when it comes to sex.
I can punch out multiple orgasms; I can clitorally come, or climax from my G-spot. I can even squirt if I concentrate really hard, there’s a towel down and I’m not feeling self-conscious about the faces I’m making. I’ve got making myself come with my vibrator down to such a fine art that all I need is five minutes, an empty house, and my neighbours not being in their yard, which is right outside my window.
But what can’t I do, that men can? Have a prostate orgasm. I’m jealous as hell about it, too – but more so than that, I’m indignant that not enough men seem to know they’re capable of a whole different type of pleasure.
When I ask my sexual partners, or my straight male friends, if they’re into butt stuff (somehow, this often does seem to come up over coffee? Maybe it’s me), the common answer is “ah, nah, not for me”, accompanied by avoiding my gaze, or laughing it off, or starting to talk about the weather, or something that steadfastly walks the conversation in the opposite direction.
I can often read the undertone here to be, “it’s not for me – I’m not gay,” and the dialogue around anal play does often revolve around the homosexual community. Straight men often seem to think it’s restricted to only men in a sexual situation or relationship that is homosexual, writing it off for themselves. This is a) a fallacy, butt stuff is great for everyone, b) silly because is anyone 100% straight anyway and c) HELLO, you can have a whole different type of orgasm and you’re just not doing it because you think you’re too straight?
Cry me a damn river of lube. Men have prostate glands, a walnut-sized little buddy sitting underneath the bladder, making fluid that protects and feeds sperm. They’re very important. They also feel very good when you stimulate them. To stimulate the gland and access the P-spot, you have to reach around 3-4 inches into the anal cavity, and then aim upwards (towards your penis, not your butt). Unlike a vagina, however, the anus is not self-lubricating: you’ll have to go gently no matter what you’re sticking up there (finger, penis, toy, cucumber, whatever floats your boat).
Once you’ve found the prostate (it should feel round, kind of like a plum – though if you want something that doesn’t rhyme with “bum” we could go with apricot), get going. It’s all up to you. While easier with a partner, obviously, because nobody has 360° wrist action, a lot of men might feel more comfortable practicing alone. You’re your own best friend after all. Just go slow, make sure you use lube, and it’ll be easier to start if you’re already aroused – maybe try working your normal more basic masturbating in too.
Once you’ve figured out how to find and touch it, and whether it feels good for you, you might want to consider something to make your Solo Steve time a little easier. Prostate toys are an increasingly popular market (with, yes, both gay and straight men, and everyone in between). The Anal Fantasy Beginner’s Prostate Stimulator is a great option for beginners who’ve only just dipped their
toes into the prostate pool – slightly curved and easy to retrieve.
The Prostalator is a rechargeable option for a more intense, motor-led time. Ten speeds, showerproof, and under $100 – it even has a 12 month warranty.
Or, if you’ve been waiting to treat yourself and reckon you’ve got the prostate thing all figured out – why not go for gold and nab The Prostate Rabbit. It’s pricey, but has a remote, two different motors, and can be used by both partners. You’ll be calling in your sick days at work to stay home and use this baby.
Finally, in terms of the other thing that’s probably on your mind: mess. Sure, anal play can get a little messy, and you might find it hard to relax fully and throw yourself into it, being worried that you’ll have an accident, or things will get dirty. First of all, as straight women, we’ve been covered in your semen so many times that don’t you think it’s time you got a little mess on you?
But seriously, shit happens, so to speak. If you’re with a partner you feel comfortable with, pop down a towel, and have tissues or wipes on hand. Nobody will mind a little mess here and there. If you still feel too uncomfortable, consider doing some prep beforehand, as a thorough wash in the shower or even an enema can take the stress out of anal play.
Now get warming those wrists up: don’t you dare squander those apricots – we women certainly make the most of our G-spots, it’s time you all joined us.